First off, thanks to very generous friends and family for signing up to bring us dinners after my surgery. The schedule is full! If you missed it, hey, maybe there will be more opportunities for that later on this spring/summer. I hope not. But I'll keep you posted here.
Well I'm at "T Minus Five Days" on the countdown towards the surgery. And really on the whole, considering everything, I'm doing very well. We don't need to count the mini meltdown I had last night after (against all recommendations!) I looked a few things up on the Internet. Bad move! What was I thinking? I'm not even going to tell you what I looked up. It was completely unhelpful.
So part of my Mini Meltdown Recovery today includes focusing on facts (not conjecture about the future), counting my blessings and talking with really positive people. It sounds so trite and hokey, but it all actually works. I've been doing this a lot during the last couple of months.
I've also been reflecting on just how incredibly fortunate I've been my entire life. I still am enormously fortunate. I've enjoyed an abundance of love, security and opportunity every step of the way. I've had many wins and few losses. This is remarkable to me, to be so lucky. I think it's unusual to be my age and to have had such consistently smooth sailing.
Of course like anyone I've had curve balls thrown at me, challenges to face, thorny problems to solve (or, much harder I think, problems that appear not to have a solution and remain messy) and disappointments.
But I know a number of people who've endured very difficult times and moved through those experiences in ways that inspire me. Many of these people are members of my family. They showed incredible strength, courage, endurance, and optimism. Now they are sources of wisdom for me, as are the memories I have of the special people I hold in my heart who have passed away.
The next several days hold a mixture of the routine (paying bills! meeting with a few clients! errands!) and some relaxing, social time. It's odd to know that change is a comin' and to be waiting (and waiting and waiting) for it. Next week this time I'll be in a completely different place.
I plan to post at least one more time before Monday.
Heather,
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I've always admired about you is the clarity and wisdom that shines through in your writing. Wonderful to see that writing is helping you navigate through this really trying time. Reading about your courage, your fears, your frustration a) makes me want to give you a big hug, and b) brings me that bittersweet feeling of gratitude mixed with grief. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and at the same time I'm SO glad that you have support and love all around you. I'm honored to be part of your circle, and will be sending you and your family love energy on Monday. Thank you for your candor and courage. You rock.