A Few Thoughts on What to Say to Me When You Don't Know What to Say

A few people have let me know that it's hard to know what to say to me. Should they ask about my illness? Should they let me bring it up and never mention it? Sometimes they avoid talking to me because they don't know what to say.

I get it. I myself find it hard to know what to say to people going through something really challenging, especially if we're acqaintances and not best friends.

Recently I came across this article: "How Not To Say the Wrong Thing", and I think it describes a pretty good rule of thumb.

I also think this collection of empathy cards for people with a serious illness, designed by a cancer survivor who created cards she wished she had received, have messages that are really spot on.

Personally I know that people in my life want the best for me, and if that means they sometimes say something that bothers me, I don't dwell on it. So my intention by sharing the article and the cards is not to give you a set of rules that you better perfectly follow if you want to be my friend, but rather some ideas if you're feeling unsure about what to say and not to say.

Honestly, sometimes I want to talk about it, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm feeling good about my day, and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes a simple question like, "How are you?" feels almost impossible to answer - other days it's a piece of cake. It's kind of a crap shoot.

I'm always interested in hearing from you, and if something you do or say doesn't sit well with me and I feel like saying something about it, I'll do so and we'll move on! Or I will simply change the subject. I don't simmer with resentment. I didn't before I got cancer either; now I'm just better at it.

Liver Function Numbers Improving

There's always something new at the conservatory!

Silly me, this was sitting in my drafts folder for over a week now...well, better late than never.


I've been on the new pills for three weeks. Today (July 13) I had blood work done and saw my oncologist. The good news is that the pills have caused my liver function numbers to improve. Yay! They are still "abnormal" (I mentioned last time they have been for months) but are trending in the right direction.

I'll have lab work done again in mid-August and will have another appointment with Dr. N. I'm not sure when the next CT scan will be.

Compared to many other patients, my doctor says that I am tolerating these new medications very well. Afinitor isn't chemotherapy, but can cause some yucky side effects I've avoided.

The new symptom I've been managing this month is fluid retention in my legs, ankles and feet. This is a common issue with liver problems / cancer. I can walk but very slowly, like your grandmother in slow motion (alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration). I will probably need to rethink my shoe situation pretty soon, as most of mine don't fit. I'm sure there are many stylish orthopedic options out there for swollen feet.

There's not much to be done except hope it gets better and keep my feet elevated when I'm sitting around. The whole thing is uncomfortable and annoying, but I'm adjusting.

So far my summer has been slow-paced for the most part, which has been fine. I am learning not to expend energy on a lot of unimportant things or things other people can help me out with. I'm making progress with asking for help - that's just going to be an ongoing process. I am really up and down emotionally, which I think is just par for the course.

Some of the best things about this summer so far:

• Stunning weather
• Time with the kids
• Reading
• Hearing from so many people in my life who care about me