A Few Thoughts on What to Say to Me When You Don't Know What to Say

A few people have let me know that it's hard to know what to say to me. Should they ask about my illness? Should they let me bring it up and never mention it? Sometimes they avoid talking to me because they don't know what to say.

I get it. I myself find it hard to know what to say to people going through something really challenging, especially if we're acqaintances and not best friends.

Recently I came across this article: "How Not To Say the Wrong Thing", and I think it describes a pretty good rule of thumb.

I also think this collection of empathy cards for people with a serious illness, designed by a cancer survivor who created cards she wished she had received, have messages that are really spot on.

Personally I know that people in my life want the best for me, and if that means they sometimes say something that bothers me, I don't dwell on it. So my intention by sharing the article and the cards is not to give you a set of rules that you better perfectly follow if you want to be my friend, but rather some ideas if you're feeling unsure about what to say and not to say.

Honestly, sometimes I want to talk about it, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm feeling good about my day, and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes a simple question like, "How are you?" feels almost impossible to answer - other days it's a piece of cake. It's kind of a crap shoot.

I'm always interested in hearing from you, and if something you do or say doesn't sit well with me and I feel like saying something about it, I'll do so and we'll move on! Or I will simply change the subject. I don't simmer with resentment. I didn't before I got cancer either; now I'm just better at it.