Update as of June 8

C with Caleb the Corgi (I'm branching out from just featuring plants!)

The weeks are flying by. The girls have 6 more days of school (not that anyone's counting), and then we enter that season I kind of love and kind of hate - the kids' summer vacation. Usually I think it's pretty great for 5-6 weeks, and then it's high time for school to start again.

I've had a harder time the last few weeks with some symptoms, some attributable to the treatment and some probably to the cancer itself. But there are also plenty of days I feel pretty good.

Friends and family have been helping us a lot, giving rides to C, making us food, doing some yard work, running to Costco and to Trader Joe's. I know I haven't put out requests on Lotsa Helping Hands - these are offers that people have made outside of that website. There will be other requests coming!

Liver Problems

My liver is acting up. Long story short, last week my bilirubin level was getting too high and was climbing. I had an ultrasound of my liver to check to see if a tumor is blocking a duct, but it showed no blockage. Today my oncologist cancelled my chemo treatment because of the level of bilirubin. She has referred me to a gastroenterologist to consult with (tomorrow) and I have a CT scan on Wednesday to see what is going on. Those are all the facts I have at this time - not too many! I'll write more when I know more.

Cancer as Chronic Illness

I've lived with stage 4 cancer for over a year and half. I found an unusually insightful article about what it's like practically and emotionally for cancer patients like me called "The New Survivors", Psychology Today published it in their March/April issue. I recommend it if you'd like to know more about what I or someone else you know is going through.

Increasingly cancer has become a chronic illness, yet it's very different from say, asthma or diabetes. The article describes several different patients and their stories, and I found I could relate to each one in some way. Although it's a sobering subject, overall the tone is hopeful.

But the primary reason I was glad to find the article and point you in the direction of it is that it expresses truths (some very painful and poignant) that validate my experience that I also I find difficult to write about here.

"This range of emotions - the simultaneous gratitude and dread, the intense awareness of both the exquisiteness and capriciousness of life - may of course be felt by anyone with cancer, from those with the most promising prognosis to those with the least. But for people whose cancer can be explained only as a chronic condition, the inner stew is often far more pronounced because of the sheer length of time they have to deal with it and the utter uncertainty about how it will unfold."