Good News Today

What I once took for granted has become a cause for celebration - there's no evidence of cancer in my body! Yay.

I had a CT scan and a bone scan yesterday, and they're both clear. Last week's heart scan was normal too, so I'm cleared for the chemo drugs that can affect pump function. Goody for me. That's not a common problem, so I'm not going to worry about it.

I still need to go through chemo in order to kill any errant bad cells that are looking for their chance at a comeback. But it's a huge relief to know that the cancer has not spread to form new tumors elsewhere. I had a few nights of tossing and turning waiting for this last piece of information.

Chemo will start the week after next - I should have a date soon. In the meantime I have an appointment for a second opinion on the chemo regimens on Monday and will make my decision next week about which set of chemicals I'm signing up for.

I'm dreading the whole chemo process. It seems much scarier to me than surgery, but I know that's easy to say right now with the surgery behind me.

When I had the port placed last week I had to go to oncology infusion (aka the chemo ward) for the first time to get an IV placed beforehand and to recover for a bit after the procedure. I've never seen people receiving chemo treatments, and although there wasn't anything shocking about it, it was pretty freaky being there among them. That's going to be me in a few weeks.

It was sad, surreal and a little disorienting. Hasn't there been some mistake? What am I doing here?

I thought about how each of the patients there, like me, were living their regular, everyday non-cancerous lives until cancer was thrown at them. They also had experienced their First Day at Oncology Infusion. Hopefully many of them could look forward to getting out of there and going on with cancer-free lives. But of course I had no idea what people's stories were.

I was the new girl, the young one with a lot of hair who didn't know what was going on or what to say to the person next to me. Small talk about the weather seemed safe. Silence to give us both some privacy seemed good, too.


As I move through treatment I know my perspective will change, as it has changed since January when this whole ordeal began.

In the meantime, good news is for sharing and savoring. So I'm doing both today.