Chemo Starts Monday, June 11

Decision Made

I finally made a decision about which of two chemo regimens I will go with.

This wasn't easy because the first oncologist favored one and the second favored the other. Both said I could pick either regimen. There's no study that shows that one is more effective than the other. It came down to a matter of opinion and which factors weighed more heavily in which oncologist's mind. It was up to me to select a regimen, and it was really hard to figure out how I was going to make that decision.

I went over and over my notes, I talked with B., with each of my parents, with a couple of other people. I slept on it for two nights. And then I made my decision. And I feel good about it.

This was a really strange and stressful situation because there was no right decision or wrong decision, yet obviously to me the stakes feel very high. I kept wanting there to be a right choice, a wrong choice, and some kind of guarantee.

Oh, and how about we throw in a free trip to Europe and a magic carpet, since I've now ventured into Fantasy Land.

Chemo Details

So I have my first chemo treatment on Monday morning. I'll have a total of six treatments, each three weeks apart. If I stay on schedule that puts my last treatment on September 24. Not that I've counted or anything.

I don't know what to expect about how I'll feel next week. I have to take steroids the day before and the day after the treatment to help combat fluid retention. Those I expect will amp me up a bit. I'll have anti-nausea medications to take. I'm pretty sure there will be some fatigue in the picture.

But rather than go through the extensive laundry list of possible side effects with you now, I'll just wait and see what happens. Have you ever checked the list of possible side effects on something innocuous, like a bottle of Advil? There's always something nasty on there, like severe stomach bleeding or seizures or shut down of major organs. Those things have never happened to me after taking the minor stuff, so I'm not going to memorize all the possible effects of the drugs that are entering my system next week. I'll just have to see how it goes and manage what comes my way.

How I'm Doing

I'm still so relieved to be in this phase of preventing recurrence rather than battling existing, known cancer, that starting the chemo process, while a huge bummer, is now something I just want to get through and be done with.

Also it still feels surreal, maybe because I don't know what to expect. I feel rather numb. I expect to feel nervous Sunday night and Monday.

Ways You Can Help

For the locals, there will be another round of dinner delivery opportunities. An email should be coming your way about this soon.

Here are other ideas for local folks:

Be in touch. Don't worry about bothering me - text or email if you don't want to call. Send a note. I love to hear from you. We can talk about me, but I really want to hear about you and your regular, everyday life.

If you're going for a walk, see if I want to come with. I'm supposed to get out every day and stay as active as possible. I'm also up for offers to have tea or just a visit.

If you or your children are friends with my kids, feel free to invite them along to something fun you're doing, or just to hang out, especially after school lets out for the summer. We'll be in town!

If you're friends with B., be in touch with him. Go out for a beer, a ride in his car, coffee - whatever. Being the spouse of a person going through chemo treatment is tough. I know he feels a lot of stress from all directions right now. He needs breaks and fun things to do and offers of specific help. He knows he can ask for help, but he (like me and pretty much everyone else we know) is not great at recognizing when he could use help or asking for it.

If you or your children like dogs, feel free to call or email with an offer to walk Caleb the Wonder Corgi anytime you want. Around the block is not too short. An off-leash park is not too long. He loves fetch in the yard, too. Come once, come ten times - whatever works. He's available!

If you're at a grocery store or drugstore nearby and you think of it, call and see if we need anything.

Drop anything by. Recently friends have brought flowers and cookies. Those are such day-brighteners!

And for anyone, local or not:

Be in touch!

Send me anything funny, amusing or distracting. Links to YouTube videos are good. A friend gave me Tina Fey's book Bossypants for my birthday last month (which you simply must read if you haven't already because it's hysterical). Any of your favorite TV shows that don't involve people dying of cancer or feature gritty violence that puts you into an existential torrent for days I definitely want to hear about. Any music you're listening to you'd recommend? I haven't downloaded any new music in a long time.

Play "Words With Friends" with me (it's a Scrabble app on your smartphone or on your computer through Facebook). This will be fun for you because I'm not one of those players who knows all the 2-letter words that no one has ever heard of, and if I get "chemo brain" I will be even easier to beat.

I probably will come up with more ideas as time goes on.